• I don’t cry because I’m sad. I don’t cry because I’m frustrated, or angry, or I don’t know how to express myself. Sometimes I cry because that’s the only way TO express myself. Sometimes I don’t know why I cry. Sometimes the tears just pour out of my eyes and I can’t stop them. Don’t tell me to stop being silly. Don’t tell me to act my age. Don’t tell me there’s no reason for me to cry. I know that. You know that. My body however doesn’t. It just needs to cry at that moment.
• Don’t assume that because I sleep a lot I’m lazy. Don’t call me lazy. Don’t tell me there are much better things I could be doing with my time. I know that. I wish I didn’t sleep so much. Don’t get me wrong I love sleep,my body doesn’t need 12- 14 hours a night. But my brain does. 
• Don’t pressure me to making plans with friends. Don’t pressure me into going out, even on my own. Just because I sit at home, I’m not bored. I’m not even necessarily lonely. I might be perfectly content sitting there. But going out today just isn’t on the books. My depression is grounding me to the sofa, or to my bed. It is like a weight, pushing me and keeping me there. I cannot move. For love nor money I cannot move.
• Don’t pressure me to get a boyfriend. I can’t love someone else when half the time I don’t even love myself. I can’t spend my time trying to be good for someone when some days I don’t even want to leave my bed. They aren’t going to want that. And neither do I. 

• Don’t tell me that it’s “all in my head”. Depression is REAL. Whether you like it or not. I’m not making it up. I don’t do it for attention. And yes it is all in my head, that’s why it’s called a MENTAL ILLNESS. 

Thought I’d edit this, I wrote about the mental/ emotional ways my depression affected me but not the physical ways.

• Please don’t assume I’m strange because I am wearing long sleeves in 30 degree heat. It’s to cover the cuts and the scars that scatter my arms, all the way from my inside wrist up to the crease where my elbow is. 

• Please don’t look at my strangely when I’m wearing jeans in the middle of summer, and not shorts like you. My legs are covered in depression. They have hundreds of fresh and healed cuts all over them. Some are even words.

• Don’t tell me I’ve gained/ lost weight. I’m aware. For me, it’s because I eat a lot and can’t get out of bed. Because I simply can’t face to.

• I have contemplated what it would be like if I wasn’t here. I read about it. I read about what it might, no what it would be like if I was to kill myself. And the thought of what my friends and family would go through, made me change my mind. 

• It has crossed my mind countless times, that perhaps I would be better off not being here. No one would miss me.

• That is not the case. You would be missed. I would be missed. I would miss you. I miss all of the people who have killed themselves. They had friends. They had family. They were surrounded by love. 

• Don’t pretend you have depression, and then proceed by telling me you’re self diagnosed and are sad sometimes. 

• Depression is not a joke. You are not depressed if you get sad sometimes. I had to keep going back to my doctor with my symptoms about 3 times before she told me she thought I suffered from depression. She gave me medication, my happy pills, and they helped a little. 

• Depression is crippling. It is not pretty. It should NOT be romanticised. It is awful. I am no longer on happy pills but I am still depressed. 

• I have not harmed myself in over a year. It still crosses my mind at least once a week though. 
I wanted to write this post for a little while. And after seeing a website about mental illness I thought I would give it a shot. I know it’s short. But I may update at a later time when I have had some time to think about it. I have suffered with mental illness, namely depression since I was about 13. I’m now 21. It is hard. There are days when I just want to cry. There are days when I don’t want to get up. I used to be worse. There would be days where I would pretend to be ill so I didn’t have to go to school because I absolutely couldn’t get out of bed. Because my head was ill. I had medication for it for a few years, but I came off of that about a year ago because I didn’t want to be on it in Australia. 

I hope this post from MY point of view, and I do want to stress this is how it feels for me, has opened up your eyes to just some of the ways depression tears people down. It is tough. But I am strong. I am crying. I will get through this.


4 thoughts on “Depression: things I wish you could understand.

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